In The History Of Politics, Has Anyone Everrrrr Changed Their Mind?

I’m terrible at discussing politics. I get flustered and can never remember statistics or acronyms or what happened when. The opposition will pull elusive facts (?) I have never heard of out of a hat and me with no chance to google them. Under pressure, everything I know goes out the window and muttering, “I just feel like I’m right and you’re wrong” doesn’t really cut it.

So I avoid it.

But sometimes I will make an exception and talk to my dad about politics because a) I really want to know what he and his side are thinking and b) I know he won’t attack me. Unlike some people I know who feel that loud + rudeness = correct.

The other night we went a few rounds about Trump. Finally I had to just stop and say, “You think you’re right. I think I’m right. Everyone thinks they’re right. And everyone just wants the best outcome. Doesn’t mean anyone is evil.” Ok some are evil. But most are not. The opposition is made up of our friends, our family, our spouses and our co-workers. People we like and respect in our day-to-day.

As he was leaving, he said, “I respect your opinion. But you’ll see as you get get older. Most democrats are young.”

(In case you missed that, he’s saying democrats are naive, emotional, idealist do-gooders.)

I smiled. Challenge accepted.

Have you ever tried to change someone’s mind? If you have succeeded, I definitely want to know in the comments!

photo credit: no need to argue via photopin (license)

When Do You Speak Up And When Do You Clam Up?

A friend and I were enjoying delicious half price margaritas & chips ‘n salsa the other evening. Then she brought up life.

“So I started arguing with this guy Jeff on Facebook the other day about <insert controversial topic here> and after a few back and forths, I decide to take the post down. I’m out of work and job hunting. I can’t afford for the wrong person to see my views on Facebook and have it cost me a job. And I felt like a wuss because we should speak up when we see something wrong. When we don’t speak up, we are part of the problem,” she said.

“That’s true,” I agreed, “but I just always know that nothing I say is going to change their minds. Those types of debates are not very fruitful. So I don’t know what the answer is.”

On the way home, I was trying to reconcile this issue in my mind. Ok, so I think speaking up is good. Speaking up about injustice = growing toward the sun. But when do you speak up and when do you keep quiet?

If I walked up on a friend or relative vandalizing a landmark or kicking a dog, I’d speak up. But if they are being a blowhard about <insert controversial topic here> at family night, I tend to just let it go. It’s an ongoing struggle. Do we only speak up when we think it will make a difference? If we never speak up, it guarantees no difference…so does this make us cowards?

How do you make these decisions?

Photo: Wikimedia Commons, http://www.cgpgrey.com 

The Trump Phase

The phase where ignorance finds credence. The phase where intolerance is applauded. The phase where anger boils and brews under the guise of “telling it like it is”. This is the Trump phase.

It’s even keeping Hannah up at night.

I don’t know. But I hope it’s just a phase.

There is no Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde here

Election season was rough, you guys. Signing on to Facebook was like walking into a field of landmines. So. Many. Memes. I couldn’t believe the bitterness that was happening between “friends”.

Meanwhile, I had a super close friend who I’ve communicated with almost daily for the past 12 years. We never have disagreements and act like fools, I thought. We’ve discussed everything there is to discuss, I thought. There’s nothing that we could possibly ever seriously clash over, I thought. Until we discussed the election.

All of our talks take place via instant message. So message by message this friend of mine, who was as close to the “perfect guy” as I’d ever seen, morphed into someone else. He started repeating talking points I heard on the news. The ones I turned off because they seemed to me to be coming from people from another planet. People who were super messed up. “Bad people”. But my friend had never seemed like a bad person. He couldn’t just suddenly be an ogre. What did it all mean!?!? Suddenly up was down. Down was up. It was all very unsettling.

This person I thought I knew suddenly seemed like a stranger as I realized it was more than just politics. It was a whole set of beliefs. How had I missed all of this? He was one of my closest friends. One of my favorite people in the world. There were few people on the earth I thought better of than him.

There was nothing I could do but to quit talking about it altogether and pretend it never happened. Except it had happened and it bothered me even though I knew it shouldn’t. And I tried to ignore it and push it away, but it still lingered in the back of my mind like that song you can’t get out of your head (Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey! ….What? I’m not old).

Several weeks after these exchanges, my friend asked me one day what I had brought for lunch. Since our conversations, I felt like he was a little more apt to get all Judgy McJudgerson on me. That day I had a meatless dish and I told him I didn’t want to say because he’d make fun of me. He didn’t understand that and said, “I’m not mean just to be mean.” It kind of jolted me back to reality and made me remember who I was dealing with. It was my friend, not a jackass.

So. It took me a little bit to realize that we are turning our friends into our enemies with the flip of a switch. One hot button topic and our friends are “unfriended”. They are still the same giving, loving, special people we have enjoyed all the other days of our lives, yet we let one certain type of disagreement change our view of them forever. Instead of looking at what they show us 99% of the time, we choose to take the 1% and blow it out of proportion.

I have learned that if my friend can be as wonderful as he is AND be a member of that party aka hold certain beliefs, then the people of that party can’t be all bad. Politics are polarizing. But we are all people with families and friends who are, for the most part, trying our best. We should see eachother as people first more often. I think it might help.